20th September, 2009 - 10 Theatrical Anecdotes #6

I think my most tense moment as a director came during a run in Edinburgh of my own show “Sex Lies and an Eighties Tribute Band”. I came in to see the cast just before the house opened one night. I am not generally one for pep talks, but I think it’s good to show face. However, on this occasion I came in to discover an enormous argument going on between two of the principals.

Not an ordinary argument. A proper toe to toe, nose to nose argument. The type of argument that often presages traded punches and police intervention. Swear words and serious threats were being traded.

The other actors in the play were looking on a bit fretfully. I suspect the thought of having to take to the stage with two players set on homicide was not an entirely enticing prospect. One of them tried to intervene. It was my mate, The Advisor, who tried to take on the role of peacemaker. Unfortunately, he was at the time wearing a skin tight red leotard, which (for reasons that escape me now) was essential to a cheap laugh in the opening scene.

There is a reason that the UN peacekeeping force in Palestine does not wear red lycra cat suits. It does not create the proper degree of dignity.