13th September, 2009 - I Am Become Fat, An Eater Of Dips

I have eaten a bit too much humous tonight. I have not checked the packaging closely, but I suspect that the label “Reduced Fat” does not permit you to eat two whole tubs of the stuff along with a whole packet of water biscuits, a bunch of grapes, and three caramel Quality Streets.

I caught my Significant Other looking at me with a look of thinly disguised disgust; a look that said “I did not want to spend the rest of my life with a man who appears to have a goatee made from reduced fat humous”. I fear that she will leave me because of my weak will and bulging waistline. And then I will really go to seed, because there will be no-one there to make me feel guilty about stuff. That is what women are for – to make you feel guilty about eating too much humous.

I have to go now. I feel a bit sick.