26th July, 2009 - Nigel Slater Devil's Spawn

Dear God.

Forgive Me.

I have been shouting at the telly again, and I fear I must do penance. But before You come down too hard on me, and smite me a bit, I should explain, that I was shouting at Simpering English Sleazeball Nigel Slater.

It’s like this Lord. When I come home from work and settle in front of the telly with my SMFO (Sad Meal For One) from Tescos, I want heartwarming banter from cheeky Ainsley or I want big Gordon swearing at some Minor Celebrities. I do not want to come home from work to be lectured by Nigel about the correct way to score a pumpkin. “Oooh aren’t these pumpkins from my allotment simply shouting Autumn goodness?” smarms Nigel. Whn, in fact, I know that media savvy Nigel would never have dirtied his lily-white fingers and risked dirtying the Apple Mac if there hadnb’t been a contract in it from Auntie.

Lord - You are infinitely wise, and must recognise that Nigel is one of the more cunning of the Devil’s henchmen.