25th June, 2009 - Give Me a Right Good Servicing

The Southwaite Motorway Service Station may be the single most dispiriting place in Britain. I suspect that there are mortuaries with a more convivial atmosphere. I suspect that people who work in mortuaries go to the Southwaite Motorway Service Station if they feel that their life is getting a bit too jolly, and they need to suppress their mood lest they burst with joy.


We have lost our way. In our dash to get from A to B ever faster, ever more efficiently, we have lost our way. Because, wherever we are heading, and however quickly we long to be there, it is not worth spending half an hour in the gateway to Hades for it. I cannot believe that what we all really want in our dash from North to South is an overpriced burger, rack upon rack of pornographic magazines and a Ladbrokes franchise. Seriously – is that what the average commuter wants? A copy of Asian Babes and a fiver on the first scorer at the Leicester city game? Can’t we do better than this?

I am taking sandwiches next time. You will see me in a deck chair in a lay by reading a copy of Proust by the side of the M6. You will be jealous.