14th June, 2009 - How cool an uncle am I? (Answer: Not very)

It is my nephew’s birthday today. I haven’t got him a present yet because my weekend has bneen taken up with hospital visits, but I now need to turn my mind to what a seven year old boy in 2009 might like. I do not want to be the type of uncle whose parcels are dreaded. I am deeply insecure and want to be loved. Without the warm comfort blanket of popularity, I am nothing. I am much shallower than people give me credit for.


I am thinking a game for the Nintendo DS will strike the right note. Firstly, it suggests that I am au fait with youth culture – that I am down with da kidz as it were. Secondly – and this is vital – it is not a soft parcel. Soft parcels, when you are a small boy, are the absolute nadir of the gift world. Soft parcels clearly contain clothing, and there is no person in the world, except possibly nudists, who are less interested in gifts of clothing than small boys. The only exception to this is football strips, which are honorary hard parcels on account of their coolness.

Having aid this, the worst present I ever got was a hard parcel. It was a mustard spoon. My mother had an odd sense of humour at times. She also knew what she was doing. I love that mustard spoon now.