Entry for March 24, 2007

Hmmm. I am just back from my 1 to 1 with the producer from the BBC. I had submitted a few radio sketches a week or two back and was a bit surprised to be invited in for a chat.
The meeting did not start well, with the producer asking me if I had brought the sketches with me. I told her no I hadn't and she said, "You must always bring the material to these meetings." I then pointed out that I had e-mailed her support staff (twice) in advance of the meeting to ask if I should bring anything, to be told no I didn't.
As best I can tell, the purpose of the meeting seems to be to tell me that the sketches were not remotely funny - no, let me get this right, that they "would die on their arse" - and I have no career in comedy sketch writing.
The main problems with the 45 second sketch I submitted were -
It is too long.
It is not funny enough.
It is not inclusive enough.
It starts too slowly.
It does not build.
The characters are not clearly enough defined.
I have the lines in the wrong order.
The lines are poor anyway.
My theme for the sketch is not clear enough.
There is no punch-line.
I have missed the target audience.
I have the wrong tone.
I'm sure there was more, but you get the general feel for how well the material had gone down. I had hoped they were going to offer me my own 6 part sitcom, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am making up the numbers in a New Writing Initiative.
Funny thing was (not, apparently, that I am qualified to know what funny is) after all that, I was asked to submit more sketches. But, I was sternly warned, "If they don't show signs of improvement I'll have to let you go."
I am worried: I have never been sacked before. Not even by someone who doesn't employ me.