Entry for June 23, 2007

A scene from a lawyers' office. A Handsome Young Lawyer (approaching 40 yet looks much younger. He has aged well, like a fine stilton) is on the phone to an Unrealsistic Client.
HYL: Hello. How can we best serve your legal needs today sir?
UC: I'd like to put an offer in for a house.
HYL: Well sir, you have come to the right place, telephonically speaking. I appreciate that you have not actually come to any place let alone the right place. Let's just say you have phoned the right place shall we?
UC: OK.
HYL: Have you thought about a date of entry?
UC: As soon as possible.
HYC: You'd be surprised how often we get that answer.
UC: How quickly can it be done?
HYL: Well, if you're asking my advice, I'd recommend you leave yourself at least six weeks.
UC: That's a long time.
HYL: Yes, but there's lots to be done. You need to organise your mortgage and organise funding. We need to negotiate a contract, look at the titles get various reports. We need to provide you with detailed advice and provide a complex report to the lenders. It can all be done quite quickly but experience tells me that usually there's one or two glitches along the way, and trying to get the keys in less than six weeks can cause problems.
UC: But we wanted in earlier.
HYL: Well, it can be done quicker but I don't recommend it. All my experience as a handsome young lawyer tells me that you are making arod for your own back. Again, I am speaking in metaphors - there's no actual rod being manufactured - obviously that comes as extra and I bill by the hour.
UC: Well I want it done quicker.
HYL: Well, it's against my advice.
UC: What do you recommend?
HYL: I recommend six weeks. I think I may have mentioned that earlier.
UC: Well, you are a lawyer and I suppose I need to rely on your advice and experience in these matters. That is what I am paying you for after all. Can you do it in two weeks.
HYL: I don't recommend it.
UC: But I want the keys in two weeks.
HYL: It is all likely to go badly wrong and you will lose lots of money.
UC: What's your advice then? I want in in two weeks.
HYL: My advice is not to do it.
UC: Well, I want to do it anyway.
HYL: Well, I have to act on your instructions. Even if those instructions are mind-bogglingly stupid.
UC: So it's Ok then?
HYL: No. It is not a good idea. It will end on a Friday afternoon in a fraught conversation when you blame me for everything is going wrong.
UC: Never mind. I'll take the chance.
HYL: OK. It's up to you. It will cost a bit extra though for all the urgency and hassle.
UC: Cost extra? No chance. Six weeks it is.