Entry for June 11, 2007

I will be 40 in less than five weeks. This will come as a big surprise to anyone who actually knows me, since they will swear that my youthful looks suggest that I'm just slipping into my early thirties. I put my youthful vigour down to plenty of binge-drinking and my unswerving belief that Walnut Whips are a vegetable and rich in anti-oxidants.
Nevertheless, in spite of the fact that I could easily pass for a recent school leaver, the calendar does not lie. In fact, my calendar does not speak at all, so I could just easily say "My calendar does not tell the truth." or "My calendar does not recite the poems of Robert Browning." However, in spite of these semantic meanderings the sad truth is that I have lived nearly forty years.
Even if I live an above average amount of time, I have probably lived over half my life now. And probably the better, healthier half (and I've had surgery 4 times so far - what on earth do the next four decades hold - if they remove any more bits of me, it is likely that there will be less of me left than they take away).
This is all very depressing. I will need to have a very big party if I am to feel better. And of course lots of expensive presents. Anyone who cared for me at all would start saving now.