Entry for January 30, 2007

I greet you from Edinburgh, as I'm staying over for what should be the last two days of my CALM mediation training. If all goes to plan, and the trainers do not spot my incompetence, by tomorrow night I should be licenced to mediate a divorce near you. The fools.
Today we have been dealing with "Impasses", and techniques for dealing with them. The nice people at CALM mediation seem to have missed a traditional technique from the West of Scotland which has been used for centuries to resolve disputes which seem otherwise to be at a deadlock.
You see, the case notes make no reference to going for a wee swally. It is often the case that a small libation will oil the wheels of a relationship which has seized up. If pursued to a successful conclusion it can be pursued to its ultimate conclusion viz. standing arm in arm outside the kebab shop conversing along these lines -
"Ah'm sorry."
"Naw. Ah'm sorry."
"Naw. Ah'm sorry. I was a fanny."
"Aye you were."
"But so were you."
"Ah wiz. Aye."
"You're ma best pal."
"You've always been ma best pal."
"Do you want a bite of my pickled egg?"