Entry for January 20, 2007

Rehearsal number one for Match Play tonight, and it's good to get things on track. One of the characters in the show is a bit of an unreconstructed shagger, and my pal Rab is playing him in the show. I don't think that it's disclosing any confidences to say that Rab, in his day, has been a bit of a ladies' man.
I was telling Rab today a story about a guy I know who is a major player (we shall call him BS - Big Shagger), who had been down the local disco late one night. BS tells me that, as closing time approaches in the Palace (for that is our local discotheque), the shaggers gradually become more and more desperate, and less discriminating in their choice of potential shagee. It seems to be a bit like one of those scenes in wildlife programmes presented by David Attenborough, where the watering hole (so to speak) is drying up and the animals are becoming more and more desperate.
Anyway, BS says that, as time goes on and chucking out time draws nearer, his practice is to spend less and less time on each potential "target" on the basis that he has little time to waste on girls who are playing hard to get. It's one dance; some suggestive comments; and then it's either a fast black up to her place or on to the next target.
Anyway BS says one evening went like this:
BS - Thanks for the dance.
GIRL - No bother.
BS - You look great in that dress.
GIRL - Thanks.
BS - You look really sexy.
GIRL - Thanks.
BS - It really suits you.
GIRL - Thanks.
BS - Do you fancy going up the road for a shag?
GIRL - You know, I really, really do. And I'm brilliant in bed. Really uninhibited. I'll do anything. And I mean anything. I'll give you the best night of your life. I'll do things you've never even dreamed of And all you have to do is answer me just one simple question.
BS - Yes! Yes! Anything. Ask me!
GIRL - What's my name?
EXIT BS. KNOWING HE HAS MET HIS MATCH.
As I said, I told Rab this story, and he slowly shook his head and said, "That guy was wasting his time. He should have waited at the taxi rank looking for a wounded gazelle."