Entry for February 24, 2007

I nipped into Crieff last night to collect the Chinese carry out for the boys. Me and Alistair and Gary volunteered largely because, if you go for the carry out, you are entitled to a cheeky wee pintola out of the kitty while you wait. And you know me; the cheeky wee pintola is one of the greatest pleasures that life has to offer, and one not to be scorned.
After the drink (Tartan Special on draft in an old man's pub - does it get any better than that ) I jooked into an Asian grocers to get some eggs for breakfast the next day. There were two very drunk youths in the shop, arms around one another.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE -
LEAD NED (ABOUT 20)
TRAINEE NED (ABOUT 15)
ASIAN GROCER (30s)
----
LN - (Indicating Buckfast with an expansive sweep of the hand) Do you like wine?
TN - Aye.
LN - I love wine.
TN - I love wine too.
LN - Let's have some wine then.
TN - Aye! Wine!
LN - Gees a bottle of wine then.
AG - I'm sorry I cannae do that.
LN - How no?
AG - Because you've had enough to drink and he's too young.
LN - No. Listen. I'm fine. Look. Honest. See. Gees a bottle of wine.
AG - I cannae do that.
LN - (Exiting with TN) Well f**k you ya p**i b*****d.
AG - No! F**k you ya mongol b*****d! go and f**k yourself.
LN - P**i b*****d!
AG - Wee mongol b*****d!!!
Ah. All that was missing was the voiceover at the end. But it played in my head, and here it is just for you -
VOICEOVER - One Scotland. Many cultures.