Entry for February 22, 2007

I read today that Scotland has the highest rate of alcohol related deaths in the UK, with more than twice the national average. In particular, Glasgow has the highest rates anywhere.
The paper reported this in a way that suggested that it was bad news. However, in my view the glass is always half full, and not half empty. Particularly if the glass is half full of Tennents Super.
I have been arguing for some time now, that we Scots should be putting a positive spin on our unhealthy lifestyle. Whilst other nations may be heading harem scarem for their five a day, and carefully monitoring theirtalcohol units, we should be heading in the other direction. We should embrace our love of alcohol.
My pal Adrian had it right in 1990 when, spotting the forthcoming tide of healthy living, he proposed a theme park for the adult male - "Beerworld!". How I wish I had taken his idle musings and turned them into reality. I would be a millionaire many times over.
Say it - "Beerworld". Can you feel your fuzzy arteries begin to pulse? Say it again - "Beerworld". Pop a couple of statins, let your blood thin and feel your flabby heart begin to pump. What red-blooded West of Scotland male wouldn't want to visit that place? Can you imagine the demand from Stag Weekends alone? The potential is positively frightening. In beer world men would cheer when Glasgow was declared the booze capital of the Western World! We would roar with ecstasy as sombre newsreaders pointed out our penchant for fatty food. Close your eyes; wish yourself away to Beerworl for a happy moment or two; listen to the happy menfolk rattling their overflowing glasses off the tables as they chant in unison -
"Go and F*** your five a day
A sausage supper's the only way!"