Entry for February 07, 2007

Sandwiches have been occupying my mind to an unusual extent these past few days. This may be because I am trying to shift some of the excess pounds that I piled on over Christmas as a result of eating a diet composed almost exclusively of lard deep fried in goose fat served in brandy butter.
Anyway. I have been trying to moderate my excesses, and as a result find myself dwelling on thoughts of sandwiches in idle moments. What started all this was that I was sitting in Starbucks the other day tucking into a prawn and lettuce sandwich. About two bites in I got a rather unnerving feeling. After a few minutes I worked out what it was.
I was eating the sandwich upside down.
The lettuce was on the top anbd the prawns were at the bottom. I turned the sandwich the other way up, and suddely it felt that the world was spinning correctly on its axis again. But it got me thinking. How do you know what way up a sandwich goes? Somehow, we all do - try these -
Bacon Lettuce and Tomato? Lettuce on the bottom, then bacon then tomato right? And if there's mayonnaise it's right on top.
Cheese and pickle? Yes - right again - cheese on the bottom then the pickle.
Now - is this knowledge we all share derived from nature or is it nurture? Are we born with an innate understanding of the way these things should be, or is it learned carefully over years of observation of the sandwich norms that surround us in Blair's Britain?
I don't know, but I am currently formulating my laws of the sandwich. Here are my prelimenary thoughts -
BAYLEY's FIRST LAW OF THE SANDWICH - LETTUCE IS ALWAYS AT THE BOTTOM
As far as I can see this rule is immutable and constant. It does not admit of any exceptions. If you can think of any let me know.
BAYLEY'S SECOND LAW OF THE SANDWICH - GARNISH IS ALWAYS ON THE TOP
Again we seem on safe ground. Egg and cress? Cress on the top.
BAYLEY's THIRD LAW OF THE SANDWICH - SOGGIER STUFF ON THE TOP
This is more controversial but largely seems to hold good (except for garnishes). So, in your BLT, the soggiest food - the tomatoes go on top. In Cheese and pickle, the pickle goes at the top. Ham and cucumber - you get the picture.
This law seems to break down if heat is applied to the sandwich. So in your scrambled egg and bacon sandwich it appears acceptable to have the egg at the bottom. It may be that the application of energy to the sandwich equation results in the bacon behaving like a garnish. More study is required.
There are more rules. But I need to study some more before I feel they will be ready for publication.