Entry for December 31, 2006

What has become of the men-folk of Scotland? We were once a proud nation of shipbuilders, hard drinkers and misogynists. But what have we become now. I’ll tell you.
We have become a nation who knows several different ways to tie a scarf round our necks. I have been observing this for the past few weeks, and my field work is ready for publication.
Everywhere I go, I see guys with scarves. Not manly football scarves, or functional scarves like those sported by Chas and his loveable Cockney chum Dave. No! Trendy scarves, colour co-ordinated to match their skin tones.
And not only that. They know how to tie them, with that little loopy thing, so that the scarf is neat and tidy. They do not understand that there are only two acceptable manly ways of wearing the scarf. 1 – a single knot, so the garment is untidily, but cosily around your neck; or 2. hanging uselessly and unknotted. Anything else calls your masculinity into question.
Where did these men learn the ways of scarf-knotting? From the back pages of Men’s Magazines like GQ. The fashion pages. The bit after the articles about football and women and beer and how to bench press your own weight. THE BIT WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ. Those sections of the magazines about grooming and style are not meant for Scottish men. They are meant for French people and Londoners. When will we learn?