Entry for April 20, 2007

My pal - AJ - has been to London to see Kylie Mynogue's pants. Now, normally this is something I would find quite exciting. Kylie's pants have featured in quite a number of scenarios that I have devised, not all of them entirely wholesome, but they are nevertheless inventive.
Imagine my disappointment, when he explained to me that his viewing was not in private. The diminutive Australian songstress had not seen some old photos of AJ in his halcyon 1980s days (when we played in a band together) and thought "I must have him. He looks so hot in that green tartan jacket with the sleeves rolled up. Find his number for me, we must have a secret tryst in the Holiday Inn in East Kilbride".
No! He went to see them in the V&A museum in London, where they are having an exhibition of her costumes. Call me a mysoginist if you like, but the day I start to get my kicks out of women's pants in a museum is the day when you must smother me gently in my sleep. If you ever hear me whispering "Oooh- I bet Queen Victoria looked sensational in those bloomers", I want the next thing to cross my mind to be a blunt intrument.