Entry for April 11, 2007

The Scottish tourist industry is odd. The two 5 star tourist attractions near Nairn are The Loch Ness Monster Exhibition and The Culloden Battlefield. I have visited both.
Let’s analyse that a bit further. The two significant parts of Scottish Culture that we choose to celebrate are (a) a mythical beastie created by hoaxers and hoteliers, and (b) the last military humiliation of the Scots at the hands of the English. What next? An audio-visual display recounting defeats by the Scottish football team at the hands of various diddy teams? A museum celebrating our heart disease statistics, full of display cases crammed with mutton pies and deep fried mars bars? Actually that last suggestion would never survive – too many hungry Glaswegians would be tempted to break open the cabinet.
I suppose the Loch Ness Monster exhibition does reflect the Scottish sense of whimsy (particularly when directed at foreigners). As far as I know, no-one in Scotland believes in the monster, but we are happy to fleece Americans and the English of their money as they come in droves to stare expectantly at a rather grey patch of water. I would prefer it if, every now and then, a sign emerged slowly from the lifeless water like Excalibur –
“It’s empty ya bawbags.”