Entry for 26th November, 2007

For reasons that I choose not to divulge just now, my dad, his partner and myself had to break into somebody's house tonight. The place was protected by an iron gate, and although we had keys, they didn't work because of some damage done by some people who had tried to force it open. As a result I got to be a burglar for the evening.
The best bit is that I got to use some genuine burglar's tools! My father in law is an ex-cop, and he has various tools which he took at the conclusion of cases when they were going to be destroyed. So, I managed to borrow a vicious set of metal cutters, the longest screw driver you've ever seen, and best of all a jemmy! For those of you outwith the West of Scotland, a jemmy is local slang for a crow bar.
Let me tell you, there are few pleasures in life to compare with the first metal gate you successfully crowbar open at 10pm, whilst trying not to disturb the neighbours. The satisfying spring and crack as the lock gives under the leverage, and then the elation as the gate bursts open. The whole atmosphere was improved by the fact that my old man was wearing a black woolly hat in the manner of a proper thief.
Until now, my only significant burglary skill is that I can open yale locks with a university matriculus card, a techhnique I perfected back in the eighties in order to avoid my dad's wrath when I came home drunk in the wee small hours.
But now, I am tooled up proper, and no gaff is safe.