Entry for 16th July, 2008

Another problem with stageing "Misery" (over and above the rubber mallet problem I mentioned a couple of entries back) is the problem of how to set fire to stuff on stage. For some reason, techies and theatre managers everywhere seem to get a bit antsy when you explain to them that your show requires (at two points) a full script to be burnt. They seem to go very red in the face, hop up and down on one leg and shout "Risk Assessment. Risk Assessment." Then they fall over.
The problem is that, most theatres are designed in such a way that the stage itself is like a big fireplace at the bottom of a very large chimney (the chimney being the fly gallery where scenery is "flown" in from above). For this reason some care needs to be taken.
Our backstage team was puzzling over how to do this for some time. We'd looked into a number of pyrotechnic effects, a gas burner, lighting effects and so on, but none of them seemed to fit the bill.
So I phoned my mate who is a technician with the National Theatre of Scotland.
"Hi. How do i make it look as if I've set fire to a script on stage."
"Just set it on fire."
"Really?"
"We do it all the time."
"Oh - that's ok is it then?"
"I think so."
"You think so? You told me you had a health and safety qualification."
"I do."
"So?"
"Well - it seems safe enough."
"Well - ok then".
"We only set fire to a theatre once. But that was an accident."