Entry for 13th January, 2009 - Jack Vettraino, How I Hate Him

I hate Jack Vetrraino pictures. I hate their ubiquity. I hate their lack of emotion. I hate their ersatz nineteenfortiness. I hate the fact that a complete lack of emotion is confused for an enigmatic quality. I hate the fact that if I say I don’t like them I will be accused of being snobby and elitist.
I hat the people in those pictures. They are cold and lifeless. They look to me like they have had the blood sucked out of them by vampires. I wish some of them would stop staring wistfully over the bar at the unsmiling woman wearing the suspenders. Instead I’d rather they took her down to a karaoke club and got drunk of tequila slammers, before going home to fall asleep in front of re-runs of Fawlty Towers.
If Jack Vettraino ever tried to paint me, I intend to grin at him as he paints while giving him a big cheesy thumbs up sign.